Success! Went to a county park outside of town after work yesterday, walked the trails and found a tree that was both perfect for climbing and far from regular traffic. (I didn't really feel like answering questions from any passersby while in the midst of straddling a tree.)
How to climb a tree:
1. Find a tree.
2. Move upwards by any means possible.
3. Look down. Why else climb a tree if not to see how things look from up a tree?
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